Editing Samples

Below I’ve provided real editing samples from different authors (used with permission). Here you can get a detailed look at how I work with comments and track changes and what I can offer at different levels of editing.

cup and laptop


Sample #1 (novel)

Before developmental and copy editing:

The building was like many others he was used to seeing along the interstate; looking like a big box, square and relatively high. The sign said Yiashima Corp. The parking lot had around forty cars. Inside, the owner asked why it was taking so long for his guest to enter the building. Someone from the outside told him just to wait.

On the phone, John Dexter was being convinced once again by his brother to listen whatever this Yiashima had to say; otherwise, he did not mention that, he would lose the second part of his payment.

He entered the building and at the reception an old woman was on the phone.    She greeted him with a smile. While he was waiting for her to finish the call, John Dexter looked at the walls around; covered with pictures of the products made by the location, electronics he could not tell what their purpose was, certifications of quality and artistic paintings of questionable taste. He could not stop wondered howMax knew these guys. Considering his endless problems with cash, he was sure his brother would make some money out of this, which, in fact, was one of the reasons he accepted this meeting. The other one was the country’s economic crisis that had just started; John had a feeling he could need to add new business to his portfolio, just in case.

Edits made with track changes:

(click image to enlarge)

the enterprise edited sample

After edits are applied:

The building was like any other along the interstate—a towering box-like structure of drab off-white stone. The sign in front read Yiashima Corp. The parking lot had around forty cars.

John Dexter’s phone vibrated in his pocket. The second he answered, his brother started rambling in his ear, trying to convince him to listen to whatever this Yiashima had to say.

John kindly asked Max to mind his own business and quickly disconnected the call before he entered the building. A silver-haired woman in a tailored suit spoke on the phone at the reception desk. She greeted him with a smile. While he was waiting for her to finish the call, John Dexter looked at the walls, which were covered with pictures of products made by the company, strange-looking electronics, certifications of quality, and artistic paintings of questionable taste. He could not stop wondering how Max knew these guys. Considering his brother’s endless problems with cash, he was sure Max would make some money out of this. It was, in fact, one of the reasons John had accepted the meeting. The other one was the country’s economic crisis that had just started; John had a feeling he would need to add new business to his portfolio, just in case.


Sample #2 (short story)

Before line editing:

#

He’d think about that tonight. Right now, Glen’s mind wandered back nearly four years to the first time he’d seen Mary sitting in the bar , waiting for a table at the Clam Castle, a local and popular seafood restaurant that didn’t take reservations, She hadcaught his eye when he walked in. She would be close to his height, nearly the same in her highest heels.

He was large boned and slightly balding, looking like he’d spent the day on the nearby ocean searching for what she would eat for dinner that night. Their eyes had met and his seemed to twinkle at her, and for some reason, she blushed. She felt the warmth spreading from her breasts hiding in the light sundress she was wearing, then up her chest and her slim neck to her cheeks. The same flush spread downward tightening her stomach with the small butterflies pulling on the chains that released just a hint of moisture toward the barstool where she perched, legs crossed and muscular thighs and calves reaching to the purple polish on her toes just peeking out of her white sandals.

Edits made with track changes:

(click to enlarge)

mk sample

After edits are applied:

#

The first time Mary saw Glen, she was sitting in the bar at The Clam Castle, a  popular seafood restaurant that didn’t take reservations. She was waiting for a table when she caught his eye. She would be close to his height, nearly the same in her highest heels.

He was large boned and slightly balding, looking like he’d spent the day on the nearby ocean searching for what she would eat for dinner that night. Their eyes  met,  and for some reason she blushed. She felt the warmth spreading from her breasts to her chest, then up  her slim neck to her cheeks. The same flush spread downward, tightening her stomach into small butterflies and releasing just a hint of moisture toward the barstool where she perched. She crossed her legs, her muscles tensing from the tops of her athletic thighs, through her calves, down to her purple-polish-covered toes peeking out of her white sandals.


Sample # 3 (memoir)

Before light copy editing:

I kind of tip toed into high school, I didn’t want to be seen.  I flew under the radar. I was shy and had a couple of friends, but not popular by any means. I wanted to fit in so badly and did whatever I could to be acknowledged by my peers. I ended up joining my high school marching band which was a great experience for me. It gave me a bit of confidence.  I actually felt a part of something. Being a part of the band would give the validation from my peers I desperately wanted too. I practiced my clarinet and strived to be the best I could be, and I was pretty good too. Still, I wanted to hang out with the popular girls in the band so badly. I wanted them to like me.  There were hazing rituals that seemed to be the standard, if you wanted to be a “somebody” in the band; you had to “prove” your worthiness. This was my opportunity to feel like I belonged, to have my band mates like me. I recall the lengths I would go to in order to fit into to their world. From getting dirt and mud shoved down my throat, to being dosed with a water hose and paddled so severely, I almost ended up in the emergency room. There were rituals like skinburning with  red-hot metal forks humiliation and having sex with the boys in the band, all for the sake of being accepted and belonging to a high school sorority group. Although there were many of these stunts that I did not partake in, some of them I did and it made no difference because I wasn’t accepted anyway.

Edits made with track changes:

(click to enlarge)

DDFC sampleAfter edits are applied:

I tiptoed into my first year of high school. I didn’t want to be seen, so I flew under the radar. I was shy and had a couple of friends, but I was not popular by any means. I wanted to fit in so badly and did whatever I could to be acknowledged by my peers. I ended up joining my high school marching band, which was a great experience for me. It gave me a bit of confidence.  I actually felt like I was part of something. Being part of the band would give me the validation from my peers I desperately craved. I practiced my clarinet and strived to be the best I could be, and I was pretty good too. Still, I wanted to hang out with the popular girls in the band so badly. I wanted them to like me.

There were hazing rituals that seemed to be the standard; if you wanted to be a “somebody” in the band, you had to “prove” your worth. This was my opportunity to feel like I belonged, to have my bandmates like me. I recall the lengths I would go in order to fit into their world. From getting dirt and mud shoved down my throat, to being doused with a water hose and paddled so severely, I almost ended up in the emergency room. There were rituals like skin-burning with red-hot metal forks, humiliation, and having sex with the boys in the band—all for the sake of being accepted and belonging to a high school sorority group. Although there were many of these stunts that I did not partake in, some of them I did, and it made no difference, because I wasn’t accepted anyway.

One thought on “Editing Samples

  1. Holly is easy to work with and worth every penny. She finds what you meant to say and then helps you say it in your own voice.

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